I've been learning a bit of JavaScript - and this is one of the things I've come up with, so far.

Reddit Filter is fairly simple; it allows you to filter out submissions from certain URLs using a regular expression. Want to give it a shot? Follow these brief instructions:

• Install GreaseMonkey - this is a neat little Firefox addon, which allows you to customise the way a webpage is displayed, using JavaScript. There even appears to be a version that works in IE.

• Restart Firefox, then click on this link. You'll get a GreaseMonkey popup, and from there you can install the script.

• You'll need to put your own regular expression into the config section of the script, to match URLs on reddit - to do this, you need to right click on the GreaseMonkey icon on the right hand side of your Firefox status bar, select 'Manage Use Scripts', select 'Reddit Filter' and hit 'Edit'.

• The regular expression should match URLs in the form 'subdomain.domain.com' - essentially the script uses this string for each Reddit submission and matches it against your regex.

• If you're not already familiar with regular expressions, take a look at this guide. The two most important things you need to know is that | is the 'or' operator, and you'll have to escape any special characters you want to include as literals. Special characters include + * . { } [ ] \ / ?

• Here are some examples of regexes you can use to filter certain submissions:

self\.reddit\.com - Self referencing posts

xkcd\.com|barackobama\.com - The lovely websites of xkcd and Barack Obama

.*\.co.uk - All .co.uk addresses

—

Anyway - if anyone wants to use this source code, or improve it, please feel free! As I mentioned, I am new to JavaScript - it works perfectly for me, but if anyone has issues with it I'll be happy to hear.

Enjoy.

I don't believe in Heaven. The reason people do - in fact, the reason anyone believes in any kind of afterlife - is relatively clear to me, though. The simplest way to explain it, without meaning to be crass, is that Heaven is simply wishful thinking; it is an idea created by humans to fill a gap, popularised as a reward to sweeten the deal. I certainly don't want to die, which is a sentiment I would conjecture the majority of humans share - but if I'm not going to die, there has to be somewhere for me to go when I 'appear' to die, right? Not necessarily.

Naturally, any form of scrutiny renders the idea of heaven idea fallacious. Wanting something that is impossible on human terms will not increase the odds of it actually happening, however much we might persuade myself that it will. This is all by the by - the point I want to make is, can the idea of an afterlife actually be harmful? On a personal so-called 'spiritual' level perhaps not, but for humanity as a whole, it poses some interesting moral questions.

Consider the following thought experiment. You are presented with two beings, identical in all but their lifespan. The first is predicted to live for fifty years, the second for fifty thousand. Both are wrongly accused of a crime, the penalty for which is fifty years of incarceration, without compromise. You are allowed to select one to go free.

No genuine moral person would pause for thought at this point. The answer is most definitely that the first being, with the shortest lifespan, should be freed - his incarceration would take him up until his death, while the second being would only serve a thousandth of his life imprisoned unjustly.

One message that could be taken from this scenario is that we are more likely to take action to help a person in need when their suffering is all they will ever know, when there is nothing for them afterwards. The natural counter to this is that a religious believer considers any human worthy of heaven, if they earn their place; yet the fact is that without heaven, we are not given an excuse to allow unnecessary suffering of any kind. One only has  to look at the long list of celebrated religious martyrs (Jesus is the one example everyone knows - hanging on a cross for three days would have been slightly more difficult to bear if the place he was so damned eager to go didn't exist) to see that the idea of heaven is a moral brick wall - one which impairs the human ability for reason.

Adobe Flash is an incredible tool, and over the past ten years the increasing number of innovations achieved with it have been astounding. Adobe claims that more than 99% of internet users have Flash installed, and with the high proportion of websites which make use of it, it's not difficult to see why.

Flash, however, in a similar manner to Adobe Acrobat, has a tendency to make me seeth with frustration at times - not because of its own shortcomings, but due to the competency of those who use it to create applications, games and websites. Its problem is not one there is an easy solution to - and that problem is the lack of standards upheld by the aforementioned creators of swf files.

Advertisements

Advertising is a necessary evil, certainly. I have no difficulty understanding the fact that much of the web is kept alive with revenue from product placements and spam - but Flash gives advertisers the ability to take this to new extremes.

In the last two years, I have witnessed adverts which obtrusively blare out sound or music without me promting them to. I have had scrolling flash screens sliding into my browser window, either with no way to close them or a cross which serves mainly as a link to pages of yet more adverts. My popup blocker is powerless to stop them.

Is this method of advertising more effective? I doubt it. Many sites make do with inoffensive banners, jpegs, animated gifs at the very worst - which at least stay in the same position without being first asked to. Google uses text-only adverts, and yet is one of the most popular sites on the internet. It's not necessary, I'm sure it drives any valued visitors away, and it's a royal pain in the ass. No matter how many flash adverts I block in Firefox (if you haven't heard of adblock, you're living in an isolated cube; you should probably give it a try) more and more appear daily.

Adverts in Flash can be done well. I don't mind if its animated, but if it's noisy, if it changes shape — hell, if it can't even stay still - whoever made it should be dealt with, preferably by being advertised into submission.

Websites

Websites built in Flash only get a small mention here, because in actuality they're far less frequent than they used to be. Why are they irritating? They look nice enough, most of the time. But they don't follow the few simple rules which make browsing the web easy. There's often no coherent hierarchy of pages. The back and forward functions are useless, since the whole page is one file. And in the vast majority of cases, users can kiss goodbye to copying any text.

I had a quick look for an example of a Flash based website, and found Muse.mu, the band Muse's official page. The first thing to happen? My browser stopped responding. Nice.

Videos

These are, without a doubt, my single biggest source of annoyance. When the Pandora's Box of Flash-based video streaming was opened, the concept was quickly popularised by sites such as YouTube and Google Video. The idea was fantastic - nobody likes to download entire videos, so watching them from a browser window seems ideal. What's the problem? The execution, the way flash video streaming has evolved - frankly, it sucks.

Firstly, there is the quality. Certainly not everyone in the world has the bandwidth needed for high resolution videos; but the vast majority of flash video platforms only ever seem to cater for the underdogs in this regard. Instead of providing choices of resolution, we are left for the most part with either a hastily compressed, tiny FLV with more pixelation than Crysis on a Pentium-II, or nothing at all. It doesn't look good in full screen, it doesn't look good in the thimble sized area of the screen it is designed to fill. It doesn't look good at all.

Feature wise, the majority of flash-video frontends are nothing short of appaling. YouTube's seek-bar seems to only allow you to skip intervals of ten pixels in one go, and aside from that the choice of controls is limited to play, pause, and volume. Google video, for some bizarre reason, recently dropped a feature which allowed you to choose the section at which the video began buffering - I was recently watching a documentary, and after ten minutes decided to switch to full screen. The video restarted itself (again I have little idea why) and I was forced to wait to load much of the video I had already seen.

To appreciate just how better the alternatives are, take the trailer for Call of Duty 4. One is on Stage6, using the DivX standard, one is on Youtube. Try viewing them both in full screen.

—

What Flash users need are better standards, and restrictions on adverts. Specifically with regards to the first point, a standardised open-source Flash video player would be ideal. One which allows greater qualities and resolutions of videos, fast-forwarding, ease of use without over simplification. If sites like YouTube do not make an effort to improve, superior alternatives with higher standards, like Stage6, will always be a preferable alternative.

Tracklist

Disc 1 - Y

1. "Age of Shadows" - 10:47
including "We Are Forever"
2. "Comatose" - 4:26
3. "Liquid Eternity" - 8:10
4. "Connect the Dots" - 4:13
5. "Beneath the Waves" - 8:26

• "Beneath the Waves"
• "Face the Facts"
• "But a Memory…"
• "World Without Walls"
• "Reality Bleeds"

6. "Newborn Race" - 7:49

• "The Incentive"
• "The Vision"
• "The Procedure"
• "Another Life"
• "Newborn Race"
• "The Conclusion"

7. "Ride the Comet" - 3:29
8. "Web of Lies" - 2:50

Disc 2 - EARTH

9. "The Fifth Extinction" - 10:29

• "Glimmer of Hope"
• "World of Tomorrow Dreams"
• "Collision Course"
• "From the Ashes"
• "Glimmer of Hope (reprise)"

10. "Waking Dreams" - 6:31
11. "The Truth Is In Here" - 5:12
12. "Unnatural Selection" - 7:15
13. "River of Time" - 4:24
14. "E=MC2" - 5:50
15. "The Sixth Extinction" - 12:18

• "Echoes on the Wind"
• "Radioactive Grave"
• "2085"
• "To the Planet of Red"
• "Spirit on the Wind"
• "Complete the Circle"

Cast

Forever - Main Cast

Hansi Kürsch (Blind Guardian)
Daniel Gildenlöw (Pain of Salvation)
Tom S. Englund (Evergrey)
Jonas Renkse (Katatonia)
Jørn Lande (ex-Masterplan, ARK)
Anneke van Giersbergen (Agua de Annique, ex-The Gathering)
Steve Lee (Gotthard)
Bob Catley (Magnum)
Floor Jansen (After Forever, Star One)
Magali Luyten (Beautiful Sin, Virus IV)

Man - Minor Cast

Simone Simons (Epica)
Phideaux Xavier
Wudstik
Marjan Welman (Elister)
Liselotte Hegt (Dial)
Arjen Anthony Lucassen
Ty Tabor (King's X)

Instrumentalists

Arjen Lucassen - Guitar, keyboards, synths, bass guitar, programming
Ed Warby(Gorefest) - Drums
Lori Linstruth - Guitar solo
Michael Romeo - Guitar solo
Derek Sherinian (Planet X) - Keyboard solo
Tomas Bodin (The Flower Kings) - Keyboard solo
Joost van den Broek (After Forever) - Keyboard solo and piano
Jeroen Goossens (Flairck) - Flutes
Ben Mathot (Dis) - Violin
David Faber – Cello

This is the 7th album by Ayreon, a project of Dutch multi-instrumentalist Arjen Lucassen, and the 5th instalment of the story that began with The Final Experiment. It’s a hard album to classify, continuing the unorthodox and experimental musical style of previous Ayreon albums, though it could be adequately described as a Rock Opera which incorporate numerous genres, including progressive rock, metal, folk, classical and electronica. This is probably the darkest, and at times heaviest, album Ayreon have released to date although it certainly isn’t lacking in folky melodies and soft, ambient passages. Music and lyrics are, as always, composed by Arjen, who once again has a small singing part, while drums are again provided by Ayreon veteran Ed Warby. Arjen has once again assembled a remarkable collection of vocalists and instrumentalists. The singers are mainly new, although a few Ayreon veterans have been included in the cast (Anneke van Giersbergen, Floor Jansen and of course Arjen himself.)

Despite expression his intention to release a single album, 01011001 stretches onto 2CDs and at 1:42 the album is almost exactly the same length as its predecessor The Human Equation. This will undoubtedly seem overlong to some, but the diverse array of vocalists and instruments on offer prevent the album from becoming repetitive. It is also important to note that the album follows a turbulent period of time in Arjen’s life: which including depression, divorce and even losing his sense of taste and smell. So, as Arjen stated in an interview, the often dark mood of the album reflected his own state of mind.

I was quite careful to lower my expectations of this album before my first listen. I know from experience that Ayreon albums are slow burners for me, and the fact that I had such high hopes for this album meant that I was setting myself up to be disappointed after the first listen. My first impressions of the album were good; however, I couldn’t help but feel a bit underwhelmed. There were some really catchy parts, especially those which I had already heard in the samples that Arjen released sporadically to introduce each singer (which can be found in the gallery: http://bluesuncorp.co.uk/images?g2_itemId=2356, along with the album artwork: http://bluesuncorp.co.uk/2007/12/29/preview-of-ayreon-01011001-artwork) but a lot didn’t click until after several repeat listens. There were some tracks, namely ‘Unnatural Selection’, ‘Age of Shadows’ and ‘The Fifth Extinction’, which clicked right away - I loved them and they’re still three of my favourite tracks on the album. Then there were tracks such as ‘Beneath the Waves’, ‘Newborn Race’, ‘River of Time’ and ‘The Sixth Extinction’ that took me longer to fully appreciate, but I love more and more with each listen.

I’ve heard this album, start to finish, dozens of times yet it is still as fresh as the first listen. With 17 singers, 15 tracks, more choruses and melodies than I can count, and the continuation to the intriguing story, there is far too much to take in on the first few listens. I find that with each new listen I pick up on another story-progressing line that I had overlooked, or I find a different melody sticking in my head. It is for this reason that it is immensely difficult for me to name a favourite track because it changes every time, though it is usually one of the seven that I have already mentioned.

If I was forced to make a criticism, it would be to do with the number of vocalists. Although they do give the album variety, they do not have strong identities like the characters on The Human Equation or Into the Electric Castle. As with any release of this scale, there are weaker points in the album but fortunately, these moments are few and far between.

A lot of the jauntier tunes (Connect the Dots and Web of Lies) were sung by the minor cast. Arjen did state that he wrote a lot of darker material and added some ‘happier’ stuff later on, and at times these tracks do feel like filler, though I’ve come to really enjoy most of them. I can only guess, but if this album was released as a single CD I’m sure that a couple of these tracks would have been left out.

Track by Track

Disc 1

1. Age of Shadows
In the past, Ayreon albums have traditionally opened with a short narrative or an instrumental track, Age of Shadows is a considerable departure from this tradition and I have little reservation in saying that it is the best opening that an Ayreon album has had. Not to fault the instrumentals that opened the Universal Migrator albums or Peter Daltrey’s wonderfully chilling opening narrative on Into the Electric Castle, but this is a striking 11 minuter, and a flawless introduction with all the idiosyncrasies that make a great Ayreon track.
This track introduces us to the beings from the planet Y, called ‘Forever’. During the course of the song we learn about their plights, specifically their loss of emotion because of their ‘quenchless thirst for knowledge’ and eventual dependence on machines to grant them immortality.
Singers: Tom Englund, Steve Lee, Daniel Gildenlöw, Hansi Kürsch, Floor Jansen, Jonas Renkse, Anneke van Giersbergen, Jørn Lande.

2. Comatose
I didn’t enjoy this track much at first and, though highly unusual for anything by Ayreon, I actually found it quite dull. This has changed. It’s a captivating little track and a pleasant change of pace after the heavy and elaborate opening.
It has exceptional vocals and a really alleviating, calm melody that is reminiscent of many tracks from The Dream Sequencer – markedly ‘My House on Mars’ for the atmosphere and the contrasting Male/Female vocals, which in this song are so skilfully performed by Jørn Lande and Ayreon veteran Anneke van Giersbergen.

Singers: Jørn Lande, Anneke van Giersbergen.

3. Liquid Eternity
Again, we learn more about the nature of ‘Forever’, with a nice chorus from Magali Luyten that draws lyrics from Peter Daltrey’s closing narrative on Into the Electric Castle. The song itself is at times heavy and guitar driven, though with softer interludes, which is very in keeping with the overall tone of the album.

Singers: Jonas Renkse, Daniel Gildenlöw, Magali Luyten, Bob Catley, Tom Englund, Jørn Lande, Floor Jansen.

4. Connect the Dots
This is the first of the four tracks (along with Web of Lies, The Truth is In Here, and E=MC²) that do not feature ‘Forever’, but are instead concerned with activities of humans that compliment the central story. This is a jaunty little tune but with some deeper meanings and social observations in the lyrics, including Global Warming and Mankind’s increased dependence on technology.
Singer: Ty Tabor, Arjen Lucassen.

5. Beneath the Waves
I feel quite sorry for the vocalists who have to follow Gildenlöw’s resplendent opening to the track. He opens the track phenomenally, but the song doesn’t let up, covering 5 different sections, each brought to life by their respective singers.
This song further describes the history of ‘forever’, and culminates in their realisation that they need to take action to save their race.
Singers: Daniel Gildenlöw, Bob Catley, Anneke van Giersbergen, Floor Jansen, Steve Lee, Jørn Lande, Hansi Kürsch, Tom Englund.

6. Newborn Race
Of all the songs on the album, I think that Newborn Race makes the best use of multiple singers. There are so many distinct choruses that are perfectly suited for their singer with equally-suitable musical backing. Because of the huge array of vocals and the numerous melodies within the song, it took a long time to grow on me, but the variety is also the reason why it has remained one of my favourite tracks on the album. In this song ‘forever’ arrive at their conclusion, and decide to use a comet to carry their DNA to a new planet, where they intend to play god by creating and controlling a new race.
Singers: Daniel Gildenlöw, Floor Jansen, Tom Englund, Jonas Renkse, Bob Catley, Hansi Kürsch, Jørn Lande.

7. Ride the Comet
This is a fairly short song, describing the journey of the DNA-carrying comet through space, with a vibrant and powerful chorus that shows off Magali Luyten’s voice in a way that Liquid Eternity barely touched upon.
Singers: Jørn Lande, Floor Jansen, Tom Englund, Jonas Renkse, Bob Catley, Magali Luyten

8. Web of Lies
The closing track of the first disc is another brief, though somewhat relevant, departure from the principal story of the album. It’s a short and sardonically sweet tale of two internet-dating users, which provides a harmonious ending to the ‘Y’ disc.
Singers: Simone Simons, Phideaux Xavier

Disc 2

9. The Fifth Extinction

This track was released early on the Ayreon Myspace site, and was I was therefore already familiar for it when I first heard the album. It’s the second of three 10 minute + tracks on the album, and is similar to ‘Age of Shadows’ in that it gives the second CD an intense and baroque opening. Of the 5 sections that comprise the song, the second is without doubt my favourite and I relish in the heavy vocals interlaced with the exquisite violins, the animated choruses of Bob Catley and Hansi Kürsch, and the culminating synth solo from Derek Sherinian.
Story wise, it describes the arrival of the comet, carrying the DNA of ‘Forever’, at Planet Earth. It details the impact, which vanquishes the Dinosaurs, and the emergence of humankind from the ashes.
Singers: Anneke van Giersbergen, Bob Catley, Steve Lee, Jørn Lande, Tom Englund, Daniel Gildenlöw, Hansi Kürsch, Jonas Renkse, Floor Jansen.

10. Waking Dreams

This is a bit like Comatose, with the contrasting male and female vocals, and the somewhat gloomy mood of the track, however it hasn’t grown on me like Comatose has. The highlight of the track, for me, would have to be the guitar solo from Arjen. The track describes the early stages of humanity, and shows how ‘Forever’ communicate with the human race telepathically, in dreams, in order to direct their evolution and to harvest their emotions.
Singers: Jonas Renkse, Anneke van Giersbergen.

11. The Truth Is In Here

This is Arjen’s track on the album, ignoring his brief appearance on the chorus of Connect the Dots; a duet with Liselotte Hegt. He plays ‘Mr. L’, a man in an asylum whose dreams recount the events of the previous instalments in the story. Liselotte Hegt plays the ‘antagonist’ of the song, a nurse, who sees Mr. L’s dreams as delusions. It is another jaunty diversion from the central story of ‘Forever, with a vivacious tone that so uniquely belongs to Ayreon.
Singers: Arjen Lucassen, Liselotte Hegt.

12. Unnatural Selection

Although I was a fan of Blind Guardian and Hansi Kürsch before I heard this album, I’ve been astounded by how distinct and memorable his parts are. This is one of my favourite tracks on the album, at first because of Hansi’s imposing and unforgettable chorus, though I’ve come to love every second of the song since. This is another song which, I feel, makes exceptional use of several vocalists, especially the duets. The story describes the beginnings of man’s decline, thanks to the impatience of ‘Forever’, and their determination to quicken man’s evolution.
Singers: Tom Englund, Steve Lee, Jørn Lande, Bob Catley, Hansi Kürsch, Jonas Renkse.

13. River of Time

I am particularly fond of the song’s introduction, with its folky nuances, though it doesn’t quite match up to either Day 16 or Day 18 of The Human Equation. There is another distinctive and zealously performed chorus from Hansi Kürsch, offset perfectly by Bob Catley – whose band Magnum I have become quite fond of since hearing this album. The song deals with Forever’s determination to save humanity, realizing their mistakes, by sending a warning of humanity’s demise back in time.

Singers: Hansi Kürsch, Bob Catley.

14. E=MC2

There is a lot of plot in this track, relating to the first Ayreon album The Final Experiment, which builds quite nicely into the concluding track. It is the story of the two scientists who develop the time telepathy program inspired by messages from ‘Forever’. They eventually succeed in sending a message back in time, though as the first album details, the experiment is a failure.
Singers: Wudstik, Marjan Welman

15. The Sixth Extinction

This song provides a stunning conclusion to the album, both through the music and the story. There is little I can say about the song, which is divided into 6 sections, each one as impeccable as the last. It’s the longest track on the album, which is a good thing as I never want it to end. But then again, when it does, I just go back to the start and listen again.

Singers: Tom Englund, Steve Lee, Hansi Kürsch, Daniel Gildenlöw, Jonas Renkse, Floor Jansen, Bob Catley, Jørn Lande, Anneke van Giersbergen, Magali Luyten.

Summary

Following The Human Equation was always going to be difficult, and in the end Arjen has delivered an album quite different in sound and tone, though just as spectacular overall. It has quickly become one of my favourite albums, eventually equalling or surpassing all of my incredibly high expectations, and I can already say for sure that it will be my favourite album of the year. 10/10.

Buy Call of Duty 4 from Amazon

I was struck by this fact when I completed Call of Duty 4 last week - games are becoming increasingly like films every year. Not so much due to the graphics, the score or any aesthetic reason. This game drew me in, so much so that I even began to empathise with the characters. I'm bound to drop spoilers here, so if you plan on playing CoD4 at some point, save this article for another day.

I don't play many new singleplayer games. For the past three years I've had a rather unhealthy obsession with Counter Strike - it started off slowly, I joined a clan and found myself hungering for organised matches every evening, I even went to a LAN at one point. The urge to shoot at virtual representations of real people was so great, it became a dominant part of my life. It was something of a social thing, more about the people than the gaming at times - but that's a seperate story. Most importantly, I began to realise how important a human face can be on a computer generated character's body. I barely touched a singleplayer game during my time with CS; and aside from the Half-Life series, Call of Duty 4 is the only new shooter I've properly played since 2005.

Before now, empathy wasn't a matter of great importance to me; it certainly wasn't something significant enough to consider alongside other factors. People have described feeling guilt when the friendly artificial intelligences die in their favourite games, which makes me feel like something of a sadist when I admit that I relish games with a friendly fire option. To give a small example, Valve explained their decision to make Barney (the security guard) more prominent in the sequel to Half-Life, by describing the people they asked having felt a pang of guilt when he was killed protecting them. Me? I used to shoot the guy for fun. I'm not psychopathic, it was simply that the game wasn't real enough for me to consider it a big deal.

There have been a few games which I've connected with on an emotional level. Grim Fandango was one of them, when I wasn't cursing it for some of the less obvious puzzles. The Broken Sword was another. In a way, of course, that's one of the fundamental features of an adventure game; unless the purpose is all-out comedy, at the very least you have to have a vague understanding with the characters you play - otherwise half of the motivation for continuing would be lost. But first person shooters, not so much.

Half Life 2 left me awestruck. But again, it wasn't because of the characters - in the majority of cases the interactions just weren't subtle enough to create the illusion that these were actual people. Perhaps this was due to the fact that much of the interaction occurs in between bouts of action, rather than during it; bonding in games is catalysed by firefights, and dampened by the absense of them; HL2 seperates the two far too much for its own good. Episode Two, incidentally, does a far better job, but misses the mark ever so slightly in parts.

So what makes Call of Duty 4 special? Put simply, continuous war.

The game starts by throwing you in with characters whom you have never met, you feel no great attachement to, and then throws you into action upon action, tense escape sequences which are tense despite being transparently scripted, and firefights, during which you genuinely feel part of a team, rather than a lone hero battling the entire middle-east. Empathy for your fellow soldiers is not crammed down your throat from the first minute; instead, it is allowed to develop. When your Captain pulls you up into a climbing helicopter the moment before you lose grip, your first feeling is gratitude rather than skepticism for an obvious cliché. The game is incredibly subtle in the methods it uses to draw you in; and when it spits you out, you are genuinely shocked and disheartened. At one point, I began to feel a sense of detatchment as I drifted away from yet another daring escape, in a chinook helicopter. And then a nuclear bomb detonated, in the city behind me. The next moment, I was spining towards earth, not sure if I would survive - the next moment, I was given the opportunity to crawl away from the burning wreck, dazed from concussions and radiation. And the next moment, I was dead.

Call of Duty 4 glamourises war, but at the very moment you ask yourself if it is not just another propoganda tool, you are sharply corrected. From the assassination carried out from the harsh, deserted landscapes of Chernobyl, to the execution depicted through the victim's eyes, the game is far more harrowing than many I have played so far, and does not shy from showing both sides of its story.

The poignancy of the empathy which CoD4 instilled in me struck me very close to the end of the game. After having escaped from a missile silo, I was trapped alongside your team at a collapsed bridge which served as a dead end. From the perspective of a fallen man, I watched my companions, shot one by one by the surviving opponents. With his dying breath, your captain throws you a pistol. I desperately empty the clip .. and then help arrives. The ending provides no closure, and you are left, bitter with the consequences of the war your friends have laid their lives down for, and sad at their deaths. Call of Duty does not simply present the ideals of conflict, allowing the player to act a part. The game, if anything, is an emulation of war, one you feel part of until the closing moments.

It took me a fair while to find, but here it is. James Earl Jones (best known as the voice of Darth Vader) reading The Raven, a classic poem by Edgar Allen Poe. Awesome.

http://bluesuncorp.co.cc/gallery/images/albums/audio/raven/James_Earl_Jone_-_The_Raven.mp3

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Something which has been running around in my head of late.

Firstly, I asked myself, if I was given the choice of living indefinitely would I take it? Certainly I would.

In popular media immortality is presented as a double edged sword - the allure of everlasting life, versus the inability to end it when life becomes a pain. I would have to think more carefully about that; but if humanity is to develop a means to indefinite life, it will most likely be without that second clause. So yes, I would do it.

But how? What conceivable ways could a human retain life forever?

A number of possibilities present themselves. The first is simply medicine and lifestyle; in the last millenium - even in the last two hundred years, the expected human lifespan in developed countries has skyrocketed, mainly due to increased knowledge of health, wellbeing, and the ability to target diseases with increasingly complex medical ideas and technology. Some would say this is only a temporary solution - nothing can stop the mind from deteriorating, the body's organs from failing after so many years. But what about when science is able to synthetically replicate organs, or when nanotechnology is able to repair and replace broken neurons in the brain? Once the human body is fully understood (and there is no natural law to prevent this) such procedures will enable humans to far surpass their current lifespans.

The second, and in my opinion far more intriguing possibility, is replicating the brain in a vast future computer system, and transferring human consciences to such a brain. I've discussed the idea before, and oddly it was brought back into my mind when I re-watched parts of the Battlestar Galactica remake. In this series, the cylons (human replicants) are able to transmit their consciences to a 'resurrection ship' when they die, where they are reborn. Aside from some of the obvious difficulties of this, the idea is fascinating. The concept of a conscious mind is a difficult one to understand - but even if we copy the physical structure exactly, even if we meticulously replicate memories, ideas, thoughts - is it the same person who is resurrected?

Imagine that moments before you die, a copy of everything that makes up your mind is copied to a new host body, identical to your own. Do you become that person? They certainly become you; they are aware of waking after having just been about to die, but in the mean time, you will simply die. It is beneficial for them, but not for you - or so the current ideas about consciousness would lead us to believe.

How can this problem be overcome? Essentially this method of immortality is as superficial as creating a clone, for one party still has to die; their own personal conscience comes to an end, no matter how perfect the copy. What needs to be done is for the conscience to be preserved. Imagine if a nano-robot was to replace each neuron in your brain, one by one, with an identical synthetic one, afterwards transferring the brain to a synthetic, mechanical body. The brain is not immediately replaced, nor is it destroyed: the host remains conscious, and they are essentially turned into a living machine. The idea has its merits - immortality certainly being one of them. What if such a mind was adapted, again artificially, to experience new senses beyond the limits of the human body? The ability to see the infrared area of the spectrum, or hear frequencies beyond the range of human ears.

Would I volunteer to do this?

I wouldn't think twice about saying yes.

Poe's Law comes to mind. Don't forget to link this one to your favourite creationists.

These are some of the funniest dramatic readings I've stumbled on across the interweb. Some of these made me laugh so hard, I almost choked. Enjoy.

Breakup Letter

I hate you more than anything in this damn world-d-d-d-d-d-d!

Dear Loser,[Chris]~~~~!!!!!!
I thought youy like me you said it yourself I hate you. People only say you asked me out because you needed a date for the dance and that after the dance you would dump me well guess what bastert i dumped you cause you were thinking that i cheated on you i didnt so like idiot that you guys are and so smart that you are you called me a slut.I hung up on you cause you tol me it on the phone because i guess you werent man enough to tell me it in my face!I hate you and also guess what my mother hates you to that she the one who put me to do this ,you come to breakfast every morning and I aint stupid you try to sit next to me and my lol bro who only 7YRS old hates you to and dont even know what you did and is always blocking your chair.haha! I went out with another boy adter you adn after we were over you an idiot dared you even tried to ask me out again i didnt break up with him for you OK! I hate you ive always hated you spreading to everyone that i cheated on you when you got jealouse that i used to talk to your friends to you so jealouse you automatically think i like them well guess maybe i do maybe i dont gotta problem you aint my boyfriend anymore I dont have to tell you who I like or who Iam thinking of going out with its none of your business got that to you loser! I hate you and I know you still like me but i dont like you and i dont care what your stupid friends say you make me touch your hands for stupid reasons u accidentally say you hugged me i will never like you again I HATE YOU I HATE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHIGN IN THIS DAMN WORLDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!! id rather date a spider or rat den u ur soooo ugly and fat !!!!!!!! And then saying that i looooooooved you pleasssse!!!!!!!!!!!! Your such n ass wipe n bastert!! I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOU

Well bi you piece of shit i have more things to do right now then remember YOU

Half Life: Full Life Consequences

Faster like the speed of sound

John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.
John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.
John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.
The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was. John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".
John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.
"I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said
"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman.
"Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster.
John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Gordon needed him where he was. John Freeman looked at road signs and saw "Ravenholm" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so John Freeman almost turned around but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again.
John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman. John Freeman smiled and walked fast. John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.
John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece.
Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.
When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss and Gordon said "John Freeman! Over here!" so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.
Gordon Freeman said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. John Freeman said "thanks i could help, bro" and Gordon Freeman said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.
The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said "NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!" and John Freeman walked real fast out.
John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.
"I'll get you back evil boss!" John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs.
to be continued..?

Miss Teen USA

uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as

content.ytmnd.com/content/…a98f0421b93e.mp3

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.

The Bauman E-mails

You have now officially crossed the line

content.ytmnd.com/content/…099edaf46747.mp3

To Whom It May Concern:

Please be advised that several of your forum soldiers have decided to personally visit our corporate offices. The pictures they took while trespassing on our property were proudly posted on your site. In addition some of the postings on your forum literally threatened murdering Eric Bauman. You have now officially crossed the line. You can consider this formal notification that we have initiated a criminal complaint with several agencies including the FBI Cyber Terrorism Unit. I realize that most of your entire website is comprised of pathetic, pimply-faced maladjusted pre-teens whose parents don't love them, and their best Saturday night date takes AA batteries. Be that as it may, you have now become a criminal threat. There a lot of people now monitoring your site. I strongly suggest that there are no more unauthorized "visits" to our office. There will be severe penalties for failure to heed this warning. The forum banter on your site means nothing to us or anyone in the world for that matter, but your threats of bodily harm and property damage cannot be ignored. I was afraid that the FBI and police departments would not be responsive. I was pleasantly surprised to find the contrary.

Interestingly, no individual or corporate entity has approached us with any question or problem regarding the content in question. This is true lunacy! There is this big dispute over a piece of content that we received a signed release for. Do you have any idea how foolish and immature you look through this? Of course I am referring to the real three dimensional world where real people live and work. You and your forum obviously live in very dark places where they don't teach spelling, grammar, logic, reasoning…etc. Well, that being said, we don't care how you advertise your stupidity, but eBaum's World Inc lives in the real world, and we are very tolerant and sensitive to the underprivileged and the mentally challenged. We will however use any and all legal remedies to ensure our safety. The police and FBI are taking this very seriously. I will leave you with this challenge, if any member of your forum or anyone any where wants to challenge our policy, simply come out from under your rock and call me on the phone, or schedule an appointment. I would be happy to discuss any problem with any credible individual. Of course I am assuming that these "kids" are capable of meaningful dialogue. We have received hundreds of calls, but alas, zero meaningful dialogue, only weak pranks. Judging from the posts I have read from your site I am confident that no one possesses the aforementioned skills necessary to pull that off. The first guy you sent in here probably soiled his pants when he couldn't answer the simplest question and literally ran out the door…LOL. I don't think he is a candidate for Mission Impossible. The police have already contacted him and our lawyers will have fun with Ben and his parents. The invitation stands. BTW, the FBI told me that the operators and facilitators of your site are more liable than they think; they also assured me that nobody from your site would come out from under their rock to talk. They likened your forum to terrorists who always stay under ground. Is that the way you envisioned your forum at its inception? How pathetic. I look forward to your reply.

Neil J. Bauman

—

Dear Max,

My assistant informed me that you called our corporate office to verify the correspondence titled Cease and Desist was in fact sent by me.it was. I would like to have any kind of meaningful communication with you or anyone representing your site. As stated in my earlier note, we have never been formally contacted by anyone regarding the questioned content. I am easily accessible during normal business hours. Feel free to contact me if you are capable of exhibiting a nominal use of some professionalism. I have had a great deal of contact from several of your loyal followers. That contact was far from meaningful or professional. In a short time you will be held accountable for the deeds and threats that were aimed at our site and our people. Obviously you have lost possession of your Yiddish cup. We are not about to be physically threatened by you or anyone else. If you thought this was a joke, you are very misguided. I am not one to be trifled with. How dare you and your brethren make death threats against our personnel? There is no veiled threat here, just your wake up call. You had the ability to stop this early in the game and choose not to. That strategy will prove to be a serious mistake in judgment on your part. Soon you will be contacted by Federal Investigators. Have a great day.

I know plenty of sane and reasonable Christians. Heck, I'd like to hope that the majority of them are. But GodTube.com shows a more tarnished picture: created just last year, as a rival to YouTube, to anyone with half an ounce of common sense it's clear that most of its occupants are trying to make themself look … stupid, to put it plainly. There isn't any other reasonable explanation.

I hate to pick on such an easy target, but here are some of the things you're likely to see on GodTube.

Little girl recites Bible verses

At the time of writing, there are no less than three similarly named videos on the front page of the site: all depict girls under the age of ten showing their devotion to Christianity. Innocent enough, maybe, but why is this such a popular choice of video? I can only conjecture:

• Children are easy targets; if you can't convert someone your own age, convert someone that doesn't know much better. Then post it on the internet, as if it were an achievement.
• 'Cute'. If your definition of the word is to see suggestable individuals being robbed of a chance to make their own decision.
• A subtle message that people of faith, like children, are too naïve to know better?

Christian/Christ-follower

This one is apparently a parody of the Mac vs. PC adverts - and while I'll spare mentioning that it's been done, it seems to miss the entire premise of the idea. They both spout some pseudo-techy junk, the first guy dominating the conversation, the second guy bizarrely agreeeing with everything he has to say, pretty much. They seem to have missed the fact that the second guy is supposed to be ridiculed, unless I'm missing something.

They make one joke. "I'm sorry, I don't speak christianese". Slow clap.

Aside from not really understanding the original advert, why exactly do they make any distinction between a Christian and a Christ Follower? Hell, what is this video even about?

A letter from Hell

This one is actually quite disturbing. I don't mean the fact that I'm going to hell. Or the unexplained method Josh used to get his letter smuggled from the underworld. It's a scary thought that children are going to be shown that video, and actually be taken in by it; the scare tactics they use are, to be frank, disgusting. One commenter describes showing the video to his 13, 9 and 4 year old children. That's not just a warning message - that's child abuse.

Comments

No wonder Jesus wants us to be like little children…they have such a sincere and innocent faith. What a blessing to know that no matter what, she belongs to Jesus. Could a parent ask for anything more?

Sincere? Children believe what they are told to believe, it's arguably a necessary stage in life, but it's not one we should strive for after a very young age. I hope my children question everything I tell them- I couldn't hope for any more than that.

People say that God is a forgiving God, Yes He is but He is also a consuming fire. People need to be scared, they need Jesus.

Need to be scared? Come again?

yo, wat is wrong with you man. hell is the worst place in the universe! God is the infinite superior being over us. wat we know heaven to be is going to be great in God's eyes which means it will be even greater than we can imagine in our eyes.

Ah heck, I'm convinced.

Who Ya Worshippin'?

I'm sorry to lower the tone. But god damn, hah hah. That made me laugh. Religious nuts.

Any more weirdness and wonder from GodTube? Post it in the comments.

 

There's a fascinating graph that can easily be found on Wikipedia here that studies the usage of the terms "Doom clone" and "first person shooter", looking at their respective usages in Usenet posts between 1993 and 2002. The phrase "Doom clone" looks to have been conclusively defeated by "first person shooter" by late 1998, which interestingly coincides with the release of Valve's Half-Life. But like the secretive Trystero in The Crying of Lot 49 (I'm sorry, that's the second Pynchon reference in two posts – I'll try and cut them down) the phrase was not quite defeated, but merely forced underground, along with the games that remain lumbered with the label. To be honest, the fact that mainstream magazines and the game-playing public labelled games like these as "Doom clones" was a bit unfair. The games weren't exactly carbon-copies of the massively successful id classic, many didn't even use its influential engine – it's just that the early competitors to Doom were sometimes looked down upon and have been largely forgotten today – even when some of them were brilliant in their own right. So what defines a Doom clone? Well, by my definition a Doom clone is an FPS released between 1993 and 1998, which use sprites for their characters and objects and generally have Doom-esque technology to work with. Some games on the list are still famous today – others have fallen into at least partly undeserved obscurity. Because of the relatively primitive engines they use, they can often be difficult to get working on modern operating systems – but where possible, I'll offer some advice as to how these games can be played in 2008 (remember that DOSbox will theoretically run them all). Incidentally, for those who have yet to experience the joys of Doom itself, it can be found in a Collector's Edition on (for example) Amazon, and there's a guide to getting the game to run under XP over at the excellent Doom Wiki here. For now though, on with the list – from #10 right up to #1…

At #10: Chex Quest (1996)

Hilariously, Chex Quest was developed entirely for the purposes of marketing a US breakfast cereal in 1996. Consequently, it was largely non-violent and marketed towards children, allowing the kids to play as an anthropomorphic piece of cereal that was tasked with fighting off an insidious alien invasion. Despite having only five levels and having most items from Doom directly translated into cereal-based versions, it gained a downloadable sequel, Chex Quest 2, in 1997 and bizarrely, also developed a cult following. For its audacity and amusingly insane idea of removing the ultraviolence from the grandfather of the FPS, Chex Quest gets in at #10. Of course having done what it did way back in 1996, Chex Quest and its "makers" were way ahead of their time – now giving away free games with cereal is pretty normal – I remember a Kelloggs one by the name of Mission Nutrition from my youth which is now incredibly obscure (deservedly). It just goes to show that breakfast really is the most important sinister marketing opportunity of the day. Should the need to play this piece of marketing history take hold of you, there's a site here that contains what you need to know. In the mean time, see it in action in this video of the first level.

At #9: PowerSlave (AKA Exhumed) (1996)

You've got to give some credit to a game that was largely inspired by a 1984 Iron Maiden album. Unsurprisingly the inspiration is rather more famous and easy to get hold of than the inspired. PowerSlave actually also went by another name, Exhumed, as if to belatedly dissociate itself from Dickinson's outfit. Featuring the alluring combination of ancient Egyptian themes with guns, PowerSlave was released for the Sega Saturn, and then the PS1 and PC, and it was developed by the ever-so-famous Lobotomy Software. Interestingly, the game ran on the Build engine, a more powerful version of which was also used in… another game or two we may come to later. There are plentiful videos of the game around, including this one, the first in a series of speedruns. I haven't got the faintest idea how to get the game running, short of buying a Saturn or a PS1 and an old copy. If anyone has a clue, do comment and let us know. In fact, comparing the videos for Chex Quest and PowerSlave, can you believe it's the former that has a cult following? Sometimes people just can't see greatness when it's staring them in the face. Tsk.

At #8: Killing Time (1996)

Killing Time has the dubious honour of having been developed by the much-maligned 3DO, creators of the similarly much-maligned Army Men series of so-called games. It shares a bit of the Egyptian theme with PowerSlave – you play as a 1930s PI hunting down the now-deranged Tess Conway on Matinicus Island, a real island off the coast of Maine. Conway has turned the island into a haven for the undead using her experimentation with the enigmatic Water Clock of Thoth. Cue much shooting and general carnage. The game was notorious for some of its then-horrifying enemies – meat-cleaver lobbing zombie chefs, and so on. There's a theme that runs through most of these Doom clones – if you tried to develop them today, they'd most likely get banned for their ultraviolent content. Killing Time is definitely amongst those. It had some quite impressive special effects for the time, and deserves kudos for its original 1930s setting and oh-so-witty title. Its intro video can be viewed at your leisure here.

At #7: Rise of the Triad (1995)

Here's a fairly famous one. Developed by Apogee Software (later renamed to one 3D Realms) on a bodged form of id's own ageing Wolfenstein 3D technology, the coolly-named Rise of the Triad was released in 1995 and has a developed a reputation as one of the more gratuitously gory entries in the Doom clone canon. ROTT was designed by Tom Hall (whose famous "Doom Bible" was the legendary design document upon which Doom itself was based) who unfortunately was lumbered with a few technical limitations left over from Wolf 3D. Generally all the walls run at 90 degree angles, and the floors and ceilings are all of uniform height. In other respects, though, Apogee managed to push the engine surprisingly far, at least far enough to power the judicious gibs. Inventively, ROTT also featured a choice of characters with different statistics and different comedy names, including one Ian Paul Freeley. Due to originally having meant to be called Wolfenstein 3D II: Rise of the Triad, there were some Nazi Germany allusions, but generally speaking ROTT was its own game, themed around an evil plot being hatched on San Nicolas island - making it the second game in our list to take place on a real island. Curious. ROTT now stands as a slightly obscure thing sandwiched between famous things - it was in some ways the inheritor to id's own classics, and Tom Hall was to go on to Anachronox and Deus Ex amongst other things. Apogee/3D Realms also went on to bigger things, as we shall see. Again, I don't know how to get ROTT working on XP, but if you do, get in touch. There is a video containing the game's intro here though.

At #6: Shadow Warrior (1997)

It's those cheeky 3D Realms chaps again. In 1997 they were hoping that their new game would build upon the success of Duke Nukem 3D - and Shadow Warrior, starring their new ninja character Lo Wang, was that game. Running on Ken Silverman's Build engine, Shadow Warrior was extremely advanced by comparison to almost any shooter that had gone before. Because of games like Shadow Warrior, by 1997 the term "Doom clone" was looking decidedly old-fashioned. 3D Realms were pioneering all kinds of new and clever ideas, many of which were packed into Lo Wang's ultraviolent adventure. The game was packed (in true 3D Realms style) with huge numbers of tongue-in-cheek gags and comments from the talkative Lo Wang ("You're not half the man you used to be!") and popular culture references. It was an amazing cocktail, but perhaps surprisingly Shadow Warrior failed to emulate Duke 3D's success and consequently its expansions were canned, but luckily resurfaced later. The story sees Wang fighting off his former employers, a sinister Japanese corporation who have brought legions of misshapen beasts into the world. There's a video here, and a site here that gives some very handy info about getting Shadow Warrior to run (as well as Blood and Duke 3D, both of which we'll come to later)

At #5: Heretic (1994)

And so we come to the oldest game on our list. While FPS grand-masters id were working on Doom II, their great friends Raven Software were working on something very different - Heretic. Hugely advanced for the time, (having innovations even Doom II didn't have) Heretic was also stylistically different to anything else around here. A fantasy FPS, Heretic let you play as Corvus, and tasked you with hunting down and destroying the villainous Serpent Rider D'Sparil. Heretic had an inventory, and also allowed you to look up and down. It would also be the first of four games in the series, the sequels confusingly titled Hexen, Hexen II, and Heretic II (I can think of one series with more confusing sequel titles - the Rambo series). With Heretic, Raven proved that a fantasy FPS was feasible, that there were more technical innovations to be squeezed out of the Doom engine, and that they were soon to be respected as one of the great FPS developers - helping them establish their ongoing relationship with id. Thankfully, Heretic is still pretty easy to get running. All you really need is a Doom source port like Doomsday or zDoom which also has support for Heretic. As per usual, here's a video.

At #4: Star Wars: Dark Forces (1995)

A licensed game? In a top ten list?! Yes sir, Star Wars: Dark Forces surely deserves a place. Like Heretic, Dark Forces spawned plenty of sequels, starting with Jedi Knight, and then Jedi Knight II in 2002. Dark Forces was a bit of a curious Star Wars game because you couldn't get a lightsaber - whilst you play as ex-Empire soldier and Rebellion hero Kyle Katarn, Kyle hadn't become a Jedi by the time Dark Forces takes place. Instead, you're forced to use various classic Star Wars guns as you attempt to destroy the Empire's insidious Dark Trooper project, a secret weapons program that could crush the Rebellion before it gets off the ground. Despite some fairly horrendous sewer levels (also found in Doom II, of course, as well as Strife) Dark Forces was a surprisingly successful foray into FPS territory by LucasArts. Interestingly, it also features no blood - but then again, it's hardly Chex Quest either; those damned Stormtroopers get what's coming to them. If you know how to get it working under XP, let me know. Last time I played it, it was a very long time ago, and it was also in French - don't ask me why. Obligatory video!

At #3: Strife (1996)

There's been a bit of a lack of old-fashioned proper sci-fi in this list, it seems. Doom was sci-fi (albeit very silly and not well thought out sci-fi, but still - that was hardly the point) and so was Strife, which was released in 1996 by its developers, Rogue Entertainment. Strife depicted a bloody war between two factions in a dystopic environment. The Order are a crazed religious cult who have seized control of the planet - the only alternative to them is The Front, a militant resistance group you become affiliated with early in the game. Using words like "affiliated" should signal that Strife was far from an ordinary Doom clone, or even an ordinary FPS. There were tens of named characters, you could trade with NPCs, indulge in dialogue trees with various people, use multiple firing modes and types of ammo on some weapons, and the game used a hub environment system not unlike Quake II's. The plot was surprisingly intricate, featuring betrayals, horrendous conspiracies, and all centred around the player's quest to acquire a massively powerful weapon that could turn the tide against the vicious Order and their sinister overseers. Difficult to describe, Strife influenced a massive number of games in a way you can't really understand unless you experience it - the list of games that owe something to Strife includes such greats as Half-Life 2, Deus Ex, Halo, Dark Messiah of Might and Magic, and tons more besides. It's an underrated classic, which whilst not quite escaping its Doom engine roots, did a huge number of things very very right indeed. It can be run using zDoom, to which I linked earlier. Here's a video - the game's intro.

At #2: Blood (1997)

We've heard a bit about which of these Doom clones is bloody and which aren't bloody, but I can bloody well tell you, they don't get bloodier than Blood. Released in 1997 by Monolith (who went on to develop Aliens vs Predator 2, Tron 2.0, No-One Lives Forever, F.E.A.R. and a lot else besides), Blood is still hugely respected. It was really a homage, it lots of ways, to the classic 3D Realms games - it's vampiric anti-hero, the remorseless horror film-quoting Caleb, had much the same popular culture quoting tendencies exhibited by butch 3D Realms heroes Duke Nukem and Lo Wang. At the start of the game, you wake up as Caleb in a grave - an atmospheric start if ever there was one - and vow revenge against the evil god Tchernobog, the source of your woes. From then on Caleb moves through his world's twisted, ultraviolent version of 1928, killing virtually anything that moves in his sadistic and insatiable quest for vengeance. Like Duke Nukem 3D, Blood was built on the Build engine, allowing Caleb to see himself in mirrors (and in the Plasma Pak version, smash mirrors, allowing psychotic mini-Calebs to pop out and attack him) and various other technical enhancements. Caleb's primary enemies were the hooded Cabal, and he dispatched them with one of the best arsenals yet seen in an FPS - including a flare gun, dynamite, voodoo doll, pitchfork, and Tommy gun. But Caleb's deadliest weapon was surely his collection of cinematic quotes - he was alive - "AGAIN!" - and he wanted a whole world of scum to know it - right before he blew them, gibs splattering everywhere, all over the damn shop.

At #1: Duke Nukem 3D (1996)

I didn't do a very good job of keeping my #1 secret, did I? To some it would have been pretty obvious before I'd begun. Ken Silverman's Build engine, married with the talented bods at 3D Realms, ended up creating by far the best shooter since Doom in the form of Duke Nukem 3D in 1996. The star of the show was the super-manly killing machine Duke Nukem, who was a huge homage to Arnold Schwarzennegger and was voiced by the now-legendary Jon St. John. Duke's mission was to defend a futuristic Los Angeles - and the world - from a malevolent alien race. With a set of guns to rival Blood's (including a shrink ray) Duke fought his way through strip clubs, Japanese villas, and a space station, annihilating everything in his path, stumbling across a felled marine from Doom, and coming out with quotes largely robbed from Bruce Campbell film Army of Darkness. And now, we await Duke Nukem Forever, and try not to think of the many cruel jokes levelled against Duke's long-awaited return. Perhaps when Duke comes across the dead Doomguy (and says, "That's one Doomed marine."), that was the very moment when the FPS began to become a genre in its own right, having moved out of Doom's shadow. Perhaps after all, that's what we have Duke to thank for. I for one can't wait for him to come back - and when he does, those alien bastards are going to pay for shooting up his ride. Oh, yeah - a video.

Conclusions

Some people say that today is the time when games, and the FPS, are at their best. I'm not sure I agree. Whilst we've had some astonishing shooters in the last few years, very few have been as imaginitive, original, funny or damn well made as some of those that followed in the wake of Doom. And yet a lot of people look down on some of these games - or can't see past their dated technology. The truth is that these games don't just show the way into the past, but also into the future - I for one would rather see another quality wise-cracking character like Caleb or Duke than another mind-bendingly boring git like whatever the guy from Crysis was called. The sense of humour, the sense of adventure has fallen out of fashion in the FPS world these days - but I think that by looking back to Doom and its followers - and they are followers, not clones, after all - we can see how we can marry modern game technology with wit, verve and style. To the past, and to the future…

Yet another peice of depressing news about the Neuromancer film in development. And I was just getting over the fact that Kahn is the director. (I've come to the opinion that people should be giving Kahn a break. He has enough talent to make this film work.)

From 7artspictures.com

"Based on William Gibson’s seminal cyberpunk novel, Hayden Christensen stars as Cage, a petty future Tokyo thief whose trade is jacking his brain directly into computer systems. When this skill is taken away from him, it seems his life is destined to end in an explosion of violence and drugs… until the mysterious Armitage offers redemption – at a price. Revelation follows revelation as Cage discovers that no one is in control of his or her own destiny and a new form of sentient technology is taking over. It’s down to Cage to face Neuromancer and do something he never has before: make the right choice."

This is depressing. Before I even begin with Christensen –

"Cage"? If that isn't a typo, Gibson will be turning in his figurative grave.

"Cage discovers that no one is in control of his or her own destiny". That sound you hear is me flicking through my copy of Neuromancer, I'm bound to find this somewhere.

"It’s down to Cage to face Neuromancer". Yep, I can hear it now. In an epic battle coming to cinemas this summer …

"Make the right choice". Oh, great, a shoe-horned in moral dilemma.

Did they read Neuromancer? Whoever wrote the above paragraph is being paid too much.

—

Hayden Christensen.

I admit, I haven't seen the guy in anything other than Star Wars, and his part did suck - but at the end of the day, he … just doesn't look the part.

Is that to be the face of Case Cage, a washed out computer hacker, since turned to drugs and crime? I would much prefer a no-name actor, rather than what seems to be a teen-idol who will draw hoards of fans that don't even know what SF stands for.

Who we're going to get playing Molly is a mystery I don't want solved. Or is that name not cool enough for this kind of flick? Maybe they should call her Razor?

Hell. Maybe this could work. But I doubt it.

 Since their formation in Blackwood, South Wales in 1986, the Manic Street Preachers have released eight full length albums and three EPs, had two UK number 1 singles, played a massive gig in Castro's Cuba, lost a member in a suspected suicide, and will in 2008 be named "Godlike Geniuses" at the NME awards for their career achievements. Their bassist, the self-styled Nicky Wire, frequently wears skirts and knee-high socks to gigs and uses a mic stand covered in pink tinsel. Their lead singer, James Dean Bradfield (who was originally to be called Clint Eastwood Bradfield until his mother protested) has collaborated with Tom Jones and Kylie Minogue and the band worked with notorious pornstar Traci Lords on their début album.

One of the most controversial, overtly political, outspoken and unique bands the UK has ever produced, the Manic Street Preachers are often thought of only when people are in a strictly 90s mindset – but as they continue to tour, having released their eighth album in May 2007, why are the Manics still relevant? And how best to begin to understand such a long-running, iconoclastic and cult band?

Blackwood is a former mining town in deepest darkest Wales, severely affected by the Miner's Strike in 1984-5 that occurred during the Manics' teenage formative years. A few years after that, lead singer and guitarist James Dean Bradfield began teaching himself guitar by playing along to Guns n' Roses' Appetite for Destruction in his front room with the curtains closed. For some years he lived with his cousin, Sean Moore, who subsequently became the band's talented and energetic drummer. The other two band members, Nicky Wire (born Nicholas Jones, younger brother of poet and playwright Patrick Jones) and Richey James Edwards, lived nearby. Wire eventually settled into the role of bassist once previous short-lived bassist Miles Woodward – aka Flicker, left. Edwards was supposedly rhythm guitarist, but in fact played so poorly that he would usually mime on stage or have his amps turned down, Bradfield playing all the band's guitar parts (except for on two songs).

In August 1989, the band put together their very first self-made single – "Suicide Alley". The DIY attitude was obvious by the fact that Edwards couldn't appear in the cover photo because he had taken it and because the photo itself was a clear homage to the cover of The Clash's debut album. After the New Art Riot EP in 1990, the band released their first fully-fledged non-album single in the form of the iconoclastic "Motown Junk" – it gained the band notoriety, being mentioned in national newspapers for the use of the line "I laughed when Lennon got shot." The song remains a live favourite, and has been played at the vast majority of Manics gigs, aside from a stint in 2004. Sampling both Public Enemy and The Skids, the song began to show off the endless cultural referencing he band have since become known for.

By the time the debut album, Generation Terrorists, was released in 1992, the band had already attracted a cult following due to their furious live shows. The band had long stated that their plan was to release an album that would outsell Appetite for Destruction, then they would headline Wembley for three nights and then burn out. This plan was more than slightly hindered by the fact that the anti-Americanism of much of the lyrical content crippled the US release, which had several of the album's extravagant 18 tracks dropped. That said, the album was a reasonable success, reaching #13 on the UK album chart. Unsurprisingly, the band didn't burn out but did tour extensively before thinking about their second album, named Gold Against the Soul, which was released in 1993.

Gold Against the Soul was a very different affair to the previous album. Clocking in at a much more modest 10 tracks, the album was meant to, in the words of the band, "piss on the floor of Seattle". Ironically, the album had a sound more indebted to the Seattle-based grunge sound than the band might have admitted. Perhaps worried by the fate of the previous album in the US, the Manics made sure that GATS had significantly less politically-derived lyrics and themes. It comes across as a mixture of arena rock and grunge, like a Welsh, left-wing proto-Audioslave. The album fared even better then the first in the UK charts, reaching #8. Today, a B-side on the "Life Becoming a Landslide" single – "Comfort Comes" – is now looked back on as the track which birthed the completely unique sound of the next, legendary, Manics album: The Holy Bible.

Recorded in a small studio in Cardiff's red light district, The Holy Bible saw the Manics returning to the drawing board. Bradfield was verging on alcoholism, Edwards was becoming worryingly prone to self-harming and the band felt that the GATS period had been a deeply negative one. With the band in this precarious condition, they embarked on writing and recording what is now widely thought of as one of the darkest albums in the history of rock music. The Holy Bible is fierce, punk-influenced, and harrowing. Its lyrics deal with such issues as prostitution, the Holocaust, anorexia, nihilism, misanthropy, political correctness, US military interventionism, and censorship, among others. It is about as un-radio friendly as an album could possibly be, and its singles did not perform very spectacularly. In fact the album was a commercial failure – but gained and maintained enormous critical success for its scathing condemnation of just about everything and anything, its clever use of harrowing song-intro soundbites, and unique, ferocious sound. Perhaps the most amazing thing about it is that despite how amazingly dark and brutal it is, it somehow feels like an weirdly positive experience to hear it and to know it. In a difficult to describe way, it feels like an absolving experience. There's a much-referred to soundbite by author JG Ballard in the song "Mausoleum" in which he says, "I wanted to rub the human face in its own vomit – and force it to look in the mirror". In many ways, it feels as though this is what the Manics wanted to achieve with The Holy Bible. They explored the dark recesses of the human condition, so – to quote Mr Muscle – we don't have to. It's as though we can hear it all, in all its chainsaw-guitar fury, and then feel that having been exposed to it, having been educated about these things, we can move on and get back to living life. It is thought that at least 70% of the lyrics on The Holy Bible were written by Edwards.

1995 was a very bad year for the Manics. On the 1^st of February, Richey Edwards disappeared. His car was found on the Severn Bridge, a notorious suicide spot, and Edwards had not taken his passport or anything else of any importance with him. Various sightings have been reported over the years, including one of him apparently being seen in Goa, India – but none have ever been confirmed. In 2002, Edwards' parents were given the chance to have their son declared legally dead, but they declined. Richey Edwards remains listed as a missing person, having now not been seen for almost 13 years. Most assumed that Manic Street Preachers would cease to exist, but in 1996, the Manics were ready to release their fourth album, Everything Must Go, without Edwards. The album's recording was spurred on by Wire's writing of "A Design for Life" now one of the most famous Manics songs, which reached #2 on the UK singles chart.

Like The Holy Bible, Everything Must Go is often vying for the position of the best-loved Manics album – but the two could hardly be more different. By contrast to its predecessor, EMG was built around accessible, anthemic arena rock – in some ways an extension of the sound used on Gold Against the Soul. "A Design for Life", a idealised ode to the working class, quickly became the most successful Manics single to that point. The other singles, like "Australia", which was cryptically inspired by Edwards' disappearance, also fared well. In terms of capturing a wide audience, EMG was a massive success for the band, and claimed almost as much critical acclaim as the previous album without the harrowing content. Far from being destroyed by Edwards' disappearance, the band were moving on strongly. That said, the album did include Edwards' contributions for the last time – five of the songs, including the almost Holy Bible-esque "Small Black Flowers That Grow in the Sky" were all or partly written by him.

In 1998, the band gained the very first UK #1 single with the brilliantly-titled "If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next", which broke a world record for the longest #1 single title without brackets. Interestingly, it is also the only Manics song ever to have been released as a single in the United States. Inspired by Spanish Civil War works such as Orwell's Homage to Catalonia and The Clash's song "Spanish Bombs" , the song was from the band's fifth album, the also excellently-titled This Is My Truth, Tell Me Yours. The album itself spent a full three weeks at #1 on the UK album charts – it was the height of the Manics' chart success to date.

In 2001 and 2004, the Manics released arguably their two least-popular albums – Know Your Enemy and Lifeblood respectively. The sound had again changed dramatically on Lifeblood – Wire described the aesthetic as "elegiac pop" and whilst the change was not popular with all the band's fans the singles were surprisingly successful. After Lifeblood was over with, the band were silent for three years until March 2007.

Now having been a band for 21 years, the Manics announced that they would release a new song called "Underdogs" as a free download – a gift to the many fans who had supported them in their lengthy and often difficult career. Short, loud and punchy, the song went down well and in May, the eighth Manic Street Preachers album was released – Send Away the Tigers. The band themselves described it as "a mixture of Generation Terrorists and Everything Must Go" and their endless cultural and historical referencing returned to the fore – the album's title is a reference to a phrase made by Tony Hancock, and the album deals with such themes as extraordinary rendition, the 2003 invasion of Iraq and the JFK assassination – even featuring a soundbite from Lee Harvey Oswald. As if in another nod to their debut album (which had featured that duet with notorious pornstar Traci Lords) SATT features its own duet, this time with Swedish songstress Nina Persson of acclaimed band The Cardigans. "Your Love Alone Is Not Enough", a return to OTT song titles, narrowly missed out on a UK #1 single, charting at #2 instead. The album itself also reached #2 on the UK album chart, missing out on the top spot by just 690 copies.

SATT has rejuvenated the Manic Street Preachers. Far from being another victim of the demise of Britpop (with which they were scarcely affiliated in the first place – being far too hard-edged and political) they have survived enormous changes to the music industry and landscape. Suddenly they are darlings of the musical press again – their award from NME is a testament to that, and they are newly in demand for magazine interviews and articles. Like Radiohead, they are embracing the internet music revolution – releasing their second free song of 2007 in the shape of the enormously fun Christmas song "Ghost of Christmas". And with another album still to come on their current Sony contract (and promises of venturing into independence after that) the Manic Street Preachers have every chance to become more relevant and powerful than ever.

NB: The Manics are a challenging but extremely rewarding band – their works are known for referencing popular culture, history, politics and more in an almost Thomas Pynchon-esque fashion. To get the very most from their extensive discography, keep the lyrics to hand on the first few listens – and I would also recommend the excellent "The Annotated Manic Street Preachers".